June 4, 1982

Editor's Note: Sgt. Harry Ekiss of the Tulsa Police Department's detective division is the editor of the TPD's unofficial newspaper, the Cemetery Times. He's planning to come on FreeWheel '82, the Tulsa World's fourth annual bicycle ramble across Oklahoma, which begins Sunday.

By HARRY T. EKISS

How do you get ready for a 500-mile bike ride? The first thing you need is a bike.

I walked into the bicycle shop and spoke to a well-dressed man standing in the middle of a herd of glittering new bicycles.

"I want to buy a bike."

"Yes, sir!" he purred. "What did you have in mind?"

"I want a machine fast enough to leave a loudmouthed 14-year-old boy in the dust."

The gentleman's right eyebrow arched slowly and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.

"Ah, yes," he cooed.

For the next hour I learned about lightweight alloy frames, cranks and hubs, then the difference in braking systems and the optional equipment necessary to be properly equipped for a long tour.

When I proudly pushed my shinning new Schwinn Super LeTour out of the showroom, I suddenly realized I had just paid more for a bicycle than what I had paid for some used cars in the years past. Oh well, what the heck.

The next order of business was to get in some practice time riding this red and black beauty.

Ouch! The guy who designed these new bike seats had a very different anatomy than mine, or possessed a sadistic streak a foot thick.

The seat was bad enough but when I realized my feet would be strapped to the pedals I visualized a sweaty beast of a man wearing a black hood standing by the forge in his torture chamber in the darkness beneath some ancient medieval castle.

He's laughing hysterically and pointing by my new bike with fiendish pride.

Nuts! I'll handle this. I know I can handle this!

When Sunday morning comes, "I'll be at the starting line in Guthrie and I'll be ready. Straight north to Tonkawa, 66 miles. I'll be ready.

Sixty-six miles ...

Help!!

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